Young people checking their Facebook account constantly, parents checking mail on their iPhone or Blackberry while they push their kids on the swing at the playground, teenagers spending hours at gaming, and people up until 2am on chat sites or surfing…the news is filled with electronic media “addiction” yet how do we understand it?   What do all of these groups have in common?

There are many reasons why people become “addicted” to gaming or electronic media. For some it’s the thrill: going places, doing things, or saying things you never have before.  For others it’s an escape: getting away from feeling bored, lonely, sad, depressed, anxious, or any uncomfortable feeling.  For still others it is about procrastination: something to do instead of doing what they really are supposed to.  There are those for whom it feels less risky emotionally then connecting face-to-face.  And there are many other reasons as well.

Because it’s a relatively new phenomenon, while theories are bountiful, good, solid research has not yet been done on the how and why of it, but there is something to consider: all of these activities create an approximation of contact with others.  It has been well-established that people need people in order to live longer, happier, healthier lives.  Our connection to others is fundamental to our mental and physical health.  And yet, we are spending less and less time in the presence of others – we can work and shop, for example, from wherever we are and from the palm of our hand.  We have desperate little time to make intimate contact… and so we turn to the avenue that feels quickest and easiest.

It’s ironic that electronic media, as helpful as it has become in “connecting” us, has found a way to “disconnect” us.  It would be natural for people to turn to the internet to try to fill the void of intimacy in their lives – not only has the internet provided so many other opportunities, it also offers the promise of connection with so many.  But disappointingly, no matter how many hours are spent, the thrill doesn’t last, the uncomfortable feelings come back, the avoided tasks still have to be done, and true, deep intimacy has not been created.  The cycle of hope and inevitable disappointment continues…until we choose a different path to meet our needs.

Samantha Smithstein, Psy.D.

How often have you felt your dyslexic child is incredibly bright even though they have been floundering or failing in school? How often have you felt confused, frustrated, sad and wished someone could explain to you why your son who understands the big bang theory ad nauseam can’t remember the word “the?”

Gratefully, there is a new study defining dyslexia, which was conducted by Dr. Sally E. Shaywitz of the Yale Center for Dyslexia and Creativity.  It was a 12-year study, which followed typical learners and dyslexic students. The study found that unlike typical readers where reading and IQ track and influence each other, IQ and reading are not linked in dyslexic student’s brains.

Dr. Shaywitz also states that, “Typical readers learn how to associate letters with a specific sound. “All they have to do is look at the letters and it’s automatic…It’s like breathing; you don’t have to tell your lungs to take in air. In dyslexia, this process remains manual.” In other words dyslexic kids who are able to read are doing so because of learning strategies such as reading slowly, using place markers or using their finger to track the words as they read, rather than simply remembering the sound.

In other words, when typical learners see the word “the,” we recognize it because it’s alive and kicking in the language processing memory part of our brains.   But when someone with dyslexia sees the word “the,” he or she is seeing it for the first time! S/he has to decode the word in order to read it each and every time.

We can (and should) all contemplate all the new questions that are associated with this study.  For example, if reading doesn’t influence a dyslexic child’s IQ, what does?  Regardless, what we are left with is the importance of knowing that not being able to read well is not the same as not being intelligent.  And an incredible feeling of amazement that these children continue to want to learn despite the significant learning disability inherent in dyslexia.

Elizabeth Corsale, M.A., MFT

Recently a British Anglican priest, Father Tim Jones, caused a media firestorm   He suggested that if one is poor, it is not a sin to steal, especially if one steals from large stores.  Father Jones’s advice is nearly identical to the distorted thoughts of individuals who suffer from Kleptomania and impulsive stealing disorders.  They reason similarly that “it’s okay if you have a good enough reason and there is less impact or pain inflicted in stealing from big stores.”

But stealing has profound impact in our society: billions of dollars lost annually, jobs lost, increased fees and prices passed on to consumers.  Those suffering from impulsive stealing also lose — Kleptomaniacs are often deeply ashamed and don’t seek treatment. They lose jobs, families and health because of their inability to resist their impulse to steal.  They build long rap sheets of criminal charges and can spend years in prison, destroying their lives and families.

Sadly, there is little research on impulsive stealing disorders.  Stealing has been around as long as we have, and yet we understand little about why people steal. We quickly decide it’s from greed, lack of ethics and, for the socially disenfranchised, for survival.  However, as evidenced from time to time by celebrities, it is not just the poor but also the rich and the middle class who steal.  Still, there are no large-scale prevalence studies.   Dr. Jon Grant, MD has done several smaller scale prevalence studies at the University of Minnesota and has had surprising findings.  His findings show that between .4%-7% of the populations he surveyed suffers from Kleptomania.   In comparison, Bipolar Disorder is estimated to be 3% of the population.  Sociologists, anthropologists, health care professionals, neurologists and the psychiatric medical field need to begin to really understand the social, neurological, physical and psychological underpinnings of stealing so we can offer better and more effective treatment to this large and needy population.

Evidence suggests that impulse disorders such as compulsive stealing are made worse by stress, hard economic times, relationships problems or corresponding psychological disorders.   That said, Kleptomania can be treated; therapy and medication can help individuals manage their impulses.  As our society reels from the effects of theft – from shoplifting to Maddoff and ponzi schemes – we have nothing to lose and everything to gain from deeply questioning our beliefs and thoughts about stealing.

Elizabeth Corsale, M.A., MFT

Another news article was recently published about Tiger Woods and his affairs that questions whether or not he has a sexual addiction. The article suggests that if we say Tiger Woods has a sex addiction, he can just hold up that diagnosis as an excuse for his infidelity. It argues that saying he has a sex addiction would be a way of allowing him to shirk his responsibility and not forcing him to own up to the fact that he is just a jerk, or just a rich handsome star with opportunity, or just like most men out there (who all cheat), or … fill in the blank.

So when did admitting that you have a problem become the same thing as not taking responsibility? Behavior of any kind that feels compulsive and out of control destroys lives – not just the individual’s, but often their friends, loved ones, families, and jobs all suffer as a result of the behaviors. Denial, rationalizations, lying, minimizing – these are all methods people use to avoid admitting to themselves that they have a serious and painful problem. Admitting to it can represent a profound first step of taking responsibility and remove the guilt which actually fuels on-going denial so that deep work of recovery can begin.

One way to define compulsive or addictive behavior is as the loss of ability to choose freely whether to stop OR to continue a behavior. To admit to yourself that you have little or no control over a behavior is a helpless, powerless, and frightening first step but an important one. Now, it IS true that to just state “Oops, I guess I have a sex addiction” and then continue to act-out sexually would be irresponsible. But that is not about truly admitting to and facing the problem. When someone, in all honesty, states to oneself and others: “I have a problem related to sexual behavior. I use sex to feel better, to feel loved, to feel powerful, to escape loneliness or depression, and my sexual behavior is wreaking havoc in my life,” they are not asking for a pass. Nor is it easy to face it and experience the real remorse of their conscience. Instead, it is the first, necessary step down the road to recovery – recovery of choice, intimacy, and a deeper happiness. Sometimes the road is long and often it is hard, but it always starts with that first step.

Samantha Smithstein, Psy.D.